Transfer student vs. traditional student

This week's Bean and Metzner reading, coupled with class discussion opened my eyes to something I'd never considered before: according to Dr. Wawrzynski, I am a marginalized, understudied student. This blew my mind. Dyslexic? Studied. Female? Studied. Transfer? Not so much.

My MSU orientation took place in January, 1997 and consisted of approximately three hours of map reading and standardized testing. I was placed in a dorm room space left unoccupied by a student who left the university to return home. I knew no one on my floor, or really at the university. When I think back on that first semester, it was the closest I ever came to dropping out of school.

I was socially isolated to 3 East Mayo Hall. I formed no lasting friendships, save the roommate I eventually lost touch with. I joined no clubs, couldn't find a job and had so poorly planned my classes that I was traveling 45 minutes on a bus to one class, four times per week. I returned, via Greyhound, to Kalamazoo every weekend.

I accept full responsibility for my relative unhappiness. Save for a few feeble attempts in the beginning, I did not reach out and explore. I have since learned that happiness and success are what you make them, and waiting for them to arrive is an exercise in futility. I was intimidated by what I saw as "living in the big city" and was frightened and alone.

Could a more robust orientation have helped in this regard? Perhaps, but that is not a certainty. Looking back, I wonder how many transfer students in SS97 felt the same way I did. How many of them persisted, and how many dropped or stopped out? Why did I persist? Was it fear of appearing incapable? Maybe. Perceptions of those around me? Definitely. Fear of failure? Absolutely. But what other factors were at play? I fear this is one of those deeply held, yet relatively intangible things about me that try as I might to comprehend or bring to closure I am unsure that I ever fully will.