Better Late Than Never
First, a big thank you to Jess for collaborating on this blog for our reflections on student development theory. Although my first reflection is a bit later than Jess and Patti, I have been sorting many thought in my head during the course of the readings from weeks 1 and 2 and now for the upcoming week 3 meeting.
Despite working with undergraduates for the better part of 13 years, my relationship to them has been in a work setting as their supervisor. In spite of this role, I have gotten to know many of them on a deep personal level. Many of them seeking me out for counsel on personal problems, career goals or conflict with co-workers. So while my role has not been as a tradition teacher, I have had many occasions to observe NCVs in students and reflect on how some of those variables are affecting student success and attrition. Why one student decides to live at home and commute for his senior year because of finances. Why another lives at home by really stays with his girlfriend because his dad can't afford to turn up the heat. How a sisters conflicted life and her dependence for advice on her "little" sister at MSU is a daily distraction . Or the bitterness of being the sibling who "does everything wrong" in his parents eyes despite being self-supporting and a 4.0 student brought one student to point of considering disowning his family.
My own self-concept throughout my academic career has been as fragile as an eggshell. Comparisons to others and how "easy" it must be for them while I struggled was the theme of my undergraduate years. For every hour my best friend had to study to get a 4.0 on a test, I had to study four hours to get a 3.5. My brain has to wrap itself around the information and relate it to concepts that resonate with "real life." I floated through my Master's program mostly because I was working full time, it took me 5 years to complete and my department changed it's name and focus 3 times. My self-concept was skewed because most people in the program were K-12 teachers and I worked at the university. I also had no connection to my classmates because my degree completion stretched out over so many year. And now, in the Ph.D. program, I have that great connection with the cohort, but still struggle with whether I am scholarly enough or academic enough to make it. I have always been a practitioner, better at showing people how to do things rather than putting it in writing.
Despite working with undergraduates for the better part of 13 years, my relationship to them has been in a work setting as their supervisor. In spite of this role, I have gotten to know many of them on a deep personal level. Many of them seeking me out for counsel on personal problems, career goals or conflict with co-workers. So while my role has not been as a tradition teacher, I have had many occasions to observe NCVs in students and reflect on how some of those variables are affecting student success and attrition. Why one student decides to live at home and commute for his senior year because of finances. Why another lives at home by really stays with his girlfriend because his dad can't afford to turn up the heat. How a sisters conflicted life and her dependence for advice on her "little" sister at MSU is a daily distraction . Or the bitterness of being the sibling who "does everything wrong" in his parents eyes despite being self-supporting and a 4.0 student brought one student to point of considering disowning his family.
My own self-concept throughout my academic career has been as fragile as an eggshell. Comparisons to others and how "easy" it must be for them while I struggled was the theme of my undergraduate years. For every hour my best friend had to study to get a 4.0 on a test, I had to study four hours to get a 3.5. My brain has to wrap itself around the information and relate it to concepts that resonate with "real life." I floated through my Master's program mostly because I was working full time, it took me 5 years to complete and my department changed it's name and focus 3 times. My self-concept was skewed because most people in the program were K-12 teachers and I worked at the university. I also had no connection to my classmates because my degree completion stretched out over so many year. And now, in the Ph.D. program, I have that great connection with the cohort, but still struggle with whether I am scholarly enough or academic enough to make it. I have always been a practitioner, better at showing people how to do things rather than putting it in writing.
posted by TGustafson at 9:01 AM
1 Comments:
Terri, you sum this up so well, and I can honestly say you are not alone in your questions of fitness for academic rigor. Surrounded by academics on a daily basis, I still feel like I struggle to be heard. Mostly because they are forcing an answer of a "quick fix" rather than my explanation or rationale for why teaching should be done a certain way. Despite it all, I still enjoy the challenges, as I think many of my talented colleagues do. I am grateful to find myself in the company of such inspiring people, so together I think we all move forward.
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